My Higher Power is John Stamos
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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