I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
