do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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