note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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