I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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