dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
