i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I need to calm my uterus...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
