I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
