ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My liver just broke up with me...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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