There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
