No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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