matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
