Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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