When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize