if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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