So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
