i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
