he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize