Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize