literally had 100 drinks last night.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
