Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
