If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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