I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
