u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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