Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize