she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
