well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
