Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
