whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
