Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
