yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
