HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
