insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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