Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
