Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
