I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
