also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
