I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
