Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
