I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
