I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
