the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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