I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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