i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
