I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
