Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
