bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
