There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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