I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
