All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
