wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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