so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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