I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
