I wannas sexs uuuuu
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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