Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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