Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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