I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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